Do i have to invite my future in-laws to my wedding?

my fiance's mother has always been really nasty to me ever since he decided to spend the holidays with my family. the tension between us can be cut with a knife! am i being too selfish by not want them there? help!
Do i have to invite my future in-laws to my wedding?
Yea you are definately being selfish. You have to invite the inlaws, it is your husband's wedding too. If i were you husbandi wouldn't marry you if you didn't want my family there.
Reply:Give yourself and your future in-laws a new chance by inviting them. Good luck.
Reply:In a word, YES!!!!!!! You are being too selfish! First of all, you refer to it as "my wedding." Well, it's your fiance's wedding too, and to not have his parents there, whether you get along with them or not, would be the ultimate breach of etiquette, not to mention pure rude. You must extend the invitation- if they don't wish to attend because they don't like you or whatever, that's their choice. But if you don't invite the groom's parents to the wedding, you might as well just go to City Hall.
Reply:Is your fiance going to keep in contact with his parents? If so, they should be invited. That way you may be able to reconcile someday in the future, otherwise the fact that they weren't invited to their son's wedding will always be remembered, and you will be blamed. Let your fiance handle his parents, and avoid talking to them. If you can figure out something for the rehearsal dinner, you should be able to avoid them. You don't really talk to people at the ceremony, and you talk to who you want to at the reception.
Reply:YES!!! If he wants them there, they need to be there.





EDIT: After reading your additional details, I say if he really doesn't want his parents there, he doesn't have to invite them. Though, he needs to understand that this may cause a rift between them that may not be mendable. He may think he doesn't care, but down the line he may. Think hard and long before excluding them, you may be blamed and he may regret it later.
Reply:Absolutely you must invite them. You are marrying their son. If you can't handle that thought, then you need to reconsider marrying their son.





Talk to your fiance about his mother, and maybe he'll need to talk with his mother. She needs to understand that he's his own person, and will not be able to spend every holiday with his family anymore, that he has another family to spend them with as well. On the other hand, YOU need to realize that when you marry someone, you marry their family. You're going to HAVE to spend holiday's with his family as well. You would be wize to try and work on mending the relationship with your future mil.
Reply:When you get married you marry the whole family.


If you don't want his parents at the wedding you shouldn't be marring into his family.
Reply:I had the same problem. I would invite them for your fiance's sake. You will be so busy with everything else that you won't even know they are there. If you don't invite them the tension will just get worse. Be the bigger person and it will pay off in the future.
Reply:Yes you should invite your in laws to the wedding. Your inlaws will always be his parents. At my wedding I had to invite a guest that I did not care to have there. One good thing about a wedding is that there are many guests to socialize with that you don't have to spend time chatting with them. So, if they are nasty you don't have to deal with it.





It should be your husband's choice on whether he wants to invite his parents. If you influence him he could blame you later saying you were the reason for him not getting on with his parents. I am not saying he will do this to you but it does happen in some marriages.





If they don't cause a huge scene and can behave themselves at your wedding without ruining it ... you should just invite them. But if you and your husband feel they will cause a huge scene then don't. People might ask him why his parents are not at the wedding. Do you want to explain this to everyone..?





I was at a wedding when a sister never showed up and everyone asked where is your sister to the bride and her parents and why is she not here. Is she okay.. etc... The bride was okay with it but her mother was about to cry..
Reply:I understand your sentiments, but his mom being a pain in the butt is not enough of a reason to exclude his parents from your wedding. You think there's tension now? See what happens if you don't invite them to the wedding!





Unless your future in-laws have done something awful enough for both you and your fiance to want them out of your lives, you have to invite them. Be the better person, invite them, and do your best to be polite.
Reply:Unless you want her to hate you until one of you dies, you MUST invite her.





She'll get over her current problem eventually. Not getting invited to her baby boy's wedding will earn you a place on her $hitlist for life.
Reply:Can you say "childish"? A really big clue here, and one your fiance should pay attention to, is your saying "my wedding". It is also your fiance's wedding, and why shouldn't HE have HIS family at HIS wedding? It takes two to have a wedding, and it takes two to have a marriage. Your odds don't look so good.
Reply:sit back for a second and think, what if he didn't want your parents there.
Reply:I'm not sure that you are mature enough to get married if you even have to ask this question.
Reply:im laws need be at wedding
Reply:wHAT DOES YOUR FIANCEE HAVE TO SAY ABOUT IT? HAVE YOU CONSULTED HIM?
Reply:If I was planning my wedding and my intended asked me to NOT invite my parents, that would be the end of the relationship. Your going to have to deal with your new relatives for the rest of your life, so you'd better get used to the idea.
Reply:You need to start thinking of it as "our" wedding. If you can't handle his family, you're about to sign up for a really long life. You will be related to these people for the rest of their lives, so you all need to find some way to get along--excluding them from the wedding of their son is probably not a smart way to go about restoring harmony.
Reply:umm YES!!!!!!! There are two of you getting married...not one. Im sure his parents would love to their son get married. That and your fiancee would be really upset too...im sure he wants his parents at his wedding
Reply:It's not just your wedding it's his, too and I would be surprised if he doesn't want his own parents there. Try to talk to his mother and work out some of your issues.
Reply:Your future in-laws have to learn to share your time.
Reply:Yes they have to be there....they are your fiancee's parents!
Reply:Yes you should invite your future in-laws. Whether you like it or not, they are about to become family. People don't have to be sweet and overly nice, but they can at least be mature and cordial. If your fiance wants his parents there then it's definitely no question, invite them. At some point your future mother-in-law needs to realize that you and your fiance are becoming your own little family and he belongs to your family as much as you belong to his.





Well if he really doesn't like them and doesn't want them there then that does change things. I'd still say invite them. If you don't, it'll be one more thing they can hold over your head. If they can't afford to travel or choose not to then great. While it might not be the easiest thing, but like I said, she could hold this over your head forever. The only way I could see why not to invite them is if you're truly truly never going to see them for the rest of your life and you all really hate each other that much. Only you can know if you both feel that way.
Reply:You don't have to, but it would be polite to extend them an invitation.





They are your fiance's parents, has he said he doesn't want them at the wedding?





(in caps just to make it stand out at additional comment)





EDIT:





THINK ABOUT INVITING THEM JUST TO THE CEREMONY, AS GUESTS ONLY.





They can come to the ceremony, but not to the celebrations. That way IF one day things can be patched between you all, it leaves the door open.





If you both never want to have any contact with them, don't invite them at all.
Reply:This is so funny! Look, I absolutely hate my mother-in-law and the feeling is somewhat mutual, but you have to invite your in-laws to your wedding. You could do this, take advantage of whatever contribution they offer and never thank them for it! That's what I did! It was lovely!
Reply:If he wants her there, then yes you have to invite her.





Just realize that she is not going to go away or suddenly like you after you two get married.





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If the both of you do not want them there, and you plan on cutting your ties to them completely, then you do not have to invite them.





Be aware that the inlaws might not go away so easily.
Reply:Your wedding is the begining of a new chapter in both of your lives. Why not invite your in-laws and start your new life together on a good note. Not inviting your future in-laws is a sure fire way to the path of a lifetime of resentment.





Turn over a new leaf and start new. It doesn't guarantee that your mother-in-law will be nicer towards you but it does guarantee the posibility of building a better relationship.





Good luck and the best of wishes to you and your man. Remember to always be kind to one another...





God Bless you both
Reply:Well...if you and your husband-to-be want to have a wedding, I think you have no choice but to include them. Not inviting them isn't exactly a great way to start off a relationship that will potentially last for decades. Perhaps a wedding might help things. How does your fiancee feel about it.??? You need to grit your teeth and sit down with your MIL-to-be and try to work this out.
Reply:I believe that at the end of the day, like it or not, they are family, and family are important. You own your own emotions and it is up to you how you handle them. I believe that you need to be the bigger person, have them at your wedding for no other reason than they are family.
Reply:yes, you do, you are not the only one having a wedding. your fiance is having one too. and his family is as important to him as your family is to you. You can't expect to have a healthy marriage if you are being this self-centered before you even walk down the isle.
Reply:I can understand where you are coming from but you do need to invite them because that is their son getting married. About the holidays thing, they need to understand that your husband is a grown man and he can make his own decisions about how to spend the holidays. My husband and I have a lot of family between the two of us and we used to bust our butts trying to see everybody during the holidays and if we missed seeing someone we would get guilt trips(particularly on his side). This past Christmas we finally put a foot down and only did what we could do. As a matter of fact we are heading up north to see his mom and stepdad in a couple weeks to do a late Christmas thing because we just could not find the time to catch up with them during the holidays. My husband and I are currently trying to get pregnant too and I know that if we have a baby by the holidays this year everybody is going to be bugging us to make sure we see them so that they can do Christmas with the baby. Well, my husband and I have already discussed it and we are only going to what we can do. Your inlaws really need to back off on you. Your husband really needs to talk them to and let them know that what they are doing to you is wrong.